Hailing from Castlewhite, Michael has the proud honour of leading the opening ceremonies each year by being the first lamer to tee off. Michael is not just a fierce competitor on the golf course but also shares office space with his rival, Barry. You'll often find Michael patiently biding his time for a chance at the newspaper, waiting for Barry's thorough cubicle reading to conclude. While he might be diligent at work, Michael has a unique golfing quirk,he is the master of practice swings, taking countless swings until the tee box starts to feel like home. Yet, ironically, it's sometimes a challenge for him to strike the ball off the tee itself.

Michael is guaranteed to win the 'closest to the tee' award and has his sights set on nothing less than a crown at the Lamer Cup. If Michael succeeds in this quest, he will be guaranteed his beloved Carlsberg shandy. With his dedication to the sport and unyielding support for the Gunners, he's a force to be reckoned with on the golf course, poised to make his mark in the tournament. Michael is a brand ambassador for Birra Moretti.

Introducing Conor, the fresh face in the Lamer Cup competition, who's entered the fray as the latest addition to team Freebirds. In CSN, he was seen as a hippy for playing tensock with a hacky sack. Upon finishing Elec Engineering in UCC, he fled to THE CITY and became an overnight Chelsea fan, going as far as to buy a house within a hooligan's throw of Stamford Bridge. Conor then abruptly left London, for the green, green pastures of an estate house in Newport, Tipperary to become the Lord of Newport and an accidental farmer. Never one far from controversy, his migration from the Smirnoff Class Championship to the Lamer's Cup is fraught with excitement and fear. Excitement of knowing what it'll be like to be a winner & fear of the traditional Lamer's deviant hazing rituals.

Conor joined the Lamer cup with a mission – to challenge the experienced Denzel on the golf course, a rivalry that promises to add a new twist to the competition. And if that's not daring enough, after the first day's play, he's set for a date with a bull, ready to ride the waves of climactic ecstasy both on and off the course. Conor aka Wig or the Wigster, a name that's sure to make a lasting impression on the Lamer Cup.

Enter the realm of Dave, always smiling, perma tanned and affectionately known as Denzel Berry. Hailing from the charming Bishopstown and having never strayed too far from its embrace, Dave has etched his own unique path in the annals of sporting lore. His penchant for white football boots once drew attention on the pitch, albeit with an unfortunate consequence of being kicked more often than the ball itself. A connoisseur of schools basketball, Dave penned a masterful MA Qual paper on the subject, shedding light on the intricacies of the game. Snooker, however, was a different story, where his skills seemed to have remained in the shadows, despite a memorable encounter with the illustrious Ken White in a state of inebriation. But beyond the realm of sports, Dave finds solace in evening strolls to the neighbourhood shops, where he engages in spirited conversations with the octogenarians who form the heart and soul of Bishopstown.

In a world of fast-paced changes, Dave remains a steadfast pillar of his community, a true Denzel with an endearing charm that warms the hearts of all who cross his path.

Meet James T, or as we lovingly call him,Jimbo Norris. From the day he was born, it was clear that he was destined for greatness—with an oversized head that has remained as proportionate to his body as a golf club still snug in its bag. But it's not just his head that's larger than life; it's his incredible zest for adventure. James climbs mountains that touch the sky, conquers Tour de France stages with the determination of a true champion, and wears his heart on his sleeve for Liverpool FC. Norris’ musical taste veers towards the dark side combining his love for early 90’s trash metal and West coast hip hop, truly delicious! Speaking of what he wears, rumour has it that he's got a cheeky tattoo of team Freebirds on his backside, a true badge of honour. However, every time James hits the town, it seems like the wind has a personal vendetta against him, as it conspires to knock him over, much like a mischievous hazard on the golf course.

But no matter how many times he tumbles, James always bounces back, reminding us that life is meant to be lived with humour and an undying passion for the game.

Allow us to introduce Danny, a familiar face hailing from Bishopstown, but with a dash of Prussian heritage that adds a unique flair to his story. Danny brings a wealth of life experiences and an inspiring tale to the Lamer Cup. In his youth at CSN, he was known to smoke with the determination of a steam locomotive, until life took an unexpected twist of faith, compelling him to bid 'auf Wiedersehen' to his beloved cigarettes. With characteristic Prussian precision and diligence, Danny redirected his focus to golf, swiftly earning the reputation of being the most ardent golfer among the group, even though he had some catching up to do. In advance of each Lamer cup, Danny ventures to the driving ranges of Cork and hits 1003 balls exactly while listening to a truly unique combination of German Schlager music and Nordic death metal.Whether this pre tournament practice reaps any rewards or is detrimental to his game is highly debatable.

Danny's journey from smoky days to fairway prowess, coupled with his penchant for leaving thoughtful 'Geschenke,' is a testament to his unwavering spirit, making him a true inspiration both on and off the golf course.

Introducing Mark master of eggs, a dashing figure hailing from the serene lands of Ardarostig, who now resides in the distant realm of Contae na Mí near Iceland. Mark was one of the first lamers to transcend lameness and gain wide recognition of his golfing abilities. He has taken up the banner of the rival Lamer Cup team, the Demons, and it's no surprise that they chose such a charismatic and debonair individual to represent their cause. Sir Eggsley, with his striking looks, undeniable charm, fantastic kebab eating ability and quick-witted banter, embodies a class that few can match. In the world of music, he and Gavan once formed a formidable duo known as the Groove Lounge, setting the stage ablaze with their musical talents. A tale of friendly rivalry, they ventured into a college DJing competition, where Sir Eggsley emerged victorious, earning him the right to wear that honorific title.

Having traversed the globe , Sir Eggsley returns to the Lamer Cup arena with a mature hairline, lower weight and a lower handicap than any of his competitors, poised to demonstrate not only his elegance but his prowess on the golf course. Let the games begin, as Sir Eggsley brings a touch of sophistication and competitive spirit to the Demons, in what promises to be a tournament for the ages. Mark is sponsored by Merlot wines (any and all).

Barry, fondly refered to as foxy Cullers, is a man of contradictions and camaraderie renowned for his impecable timekeeping. Cullers has been a lifelong Munster rugby fan since 2024. Representing the Freebirds team, he shares a unique bond with his best friend and rival, Michael, who finds himself on the opposing side of the Lamer Cup. Barry might not be the most mobile, as he spends most of his workday buried in the sports section, finding solace in the pages of the Daily Sport, especially within the confines of the office toilet. His golf game may be less than impressive but Barry has the unique ability to locate a toilet anywhere on the golf course.When it comes to the 'craic,' Barry is undoubtedly one of the best in the business. Tales of him having spirits poured directly into his cavernous mouth on previous trips are legendary, showcasing his remarkable talent for turning any gathering into a lively celebration.

Barry, the man of sport and spirits, proves that sometimes it's not the swing but the laughter that truly counts in the world of golf.

Behold Gavan also known as Buzz, DJ G Smooth, Big Gav, The G Spot, a towering figure hailing from Cork, who once called Ardarostig his ancestral home before venturing forth to the tranquil village of Tower. With a moniker akin to 'Buzz,' one might anticipate his prowess in the goalkeeping arena, yet history recounts tales of soccer balls lofting over him with surprising ease, despite his commanding stature. Some whisper that his true calling lay not on the pitch but in the rhythms of music, where he took on the mantle of DJ G Smooth. Indeed, the 'G' may as well signify 'Giant,' for his golf swings are reminiscent of a titan gingerly traversing a delicate path. Gavan, representing the Freebirds in the esteemed Lamer Cup, epitomises the art of combining extraordinary height with a penchant for spinning melodies.

Here's to Gavan, the man whose height dwarfs even his taste in sobriquets, as he endeavours to conquer the golf course with the grace of a true legend. Let the games commence, as we pay homage to this towering figure in the spirit of camaraderie and friendly competition.

Wingaling aka Wing attended the inaugural lamer cup in 2022 having successfully applied for the position of caddy. Initially Wing wooed the lamers by speaking fluent Portuguese upon hotel check-in however it was quickly discovered that he had never in fact played golf and spoke makey up Portuguese.This led to his prompt registation and he instead focused on tiding his hotel room while the others golfed.

Uncontent with this new role and yearning for more, Wing transformed himself from failed golf caddy to master bull rider extraordinaire, and boy did he impress! Wing's masterful slaying of the savage bull was the most talked about event of the 2022 Lamer cup. Golf or no golf, Wing has been extended a lifelong open invitation to particiapate in all future Lamer Cups.

Cathal aka Cliff retired reluctantly from the professional golf circuit the late 1990s. Bitter and caustic are terms that are frequently used to describe his attitude towards his forced retirement,leaving a chip on his shoulder that even the Rory McIlroy's sand wedge wouldn't dislodge. A man so skilled at finding sand traps, you'd think he was auditioning for the role of a beachcomber. His golf swing resembles a majestic mating dance between a giraffe and a flamingo, leaving onlookers in stitches and ducks aroused.

In the end, this hapless golfer taught us a valuable lesson: that sometimes, it's not about the scorecard, but the sheer joy of swinging wildly, chasing after balls, and revelling in the delightful absurdity of the game. Golf may not have been his forte, but he certainly aced the art of making everyone around him laugh – and isn't that the true essence of the sport?